Snow
by SarahNataliaLee
Summary: What was going through Zero's mind when she stopped him killing Kaname? When she told him she was still herself, or when he kissed her? What was he thinking as they parted ways, under the serious possibility of never again seeing each other? I wondered...


Disclaimer: I do not own _Vampire Knight. _

**Snow**

"_Stop it!_"

There you stand, like an iron warrior, your tiny body bracing against the vines and scythe. You know that, no matter what is on the other side, we will not swing our weapons as long as you are between us.

You know we both love you more than anyone else.

You turn to _him._ You lick the blood flowing from _his _wrist. I turn away in unearthly disgust. _He_ says something softly, and I feel _his _insolent presence fade, and yours slowly grow as you cautiously approach. You touch me, first gently, then more forcefully, wrestling against me as you try with all your strength to pull the _Bloody Rose _from my hand.

My grip peels off. And I am free, and writhing in overwhelming guilt and disgust as I realize what the gun has made me do to you—no, what _I_ have done to you. As snowflakes catch on your delicate eyelashes, you stare at me with those huge, gorgeous brown orbs, so full of confusion and sadness where only joy and amusement used to reside, and I want nothing more than to pick up that gun and blow the UV bullet through my own skull. I don't deserve to live.

I reach for you, and pull you into my arms for the first time in three millennia, and ask you if any shred of my Yuuki is still in there.

You say there are two separate entities, and even as they melt together and one swallows the other entirely, in the end, you're only you.

Something I should have known from the very beginning. Something that, had I realized, may have kept me from letting the gun take over for me.

My stomach lurches in untrammeled bloodlust. I realize too late how close my lips are to your throbbing throat. Your neck is so warm, your pulse raging, and I need your blood, oh, God, I need it now…

And I realize my treacherous thirst for your blood will never be satiable, even if I bring you within an inch of your life.

And I know I can never see you again.

"Is this the kind of creature I am?" I ask you sorrowfully.

The evil thirst overwhelms my conscience and I bite into you greedily, letting your pure, sweet blood flow around my tongue and feeling my whole body warm with the beautiful essence that is you. And I know it, I know you're still there, all of you, all of the woman I loved with the fate of my very being, and I know you'll always be there, that the evil that is vampire will never taint your lovely, tender soul.

And I want the taint on my own soul to be gone, for my humanity to return so I may love you, cherish you, and protect you, without putting you in danger solely by being your partner. I want you to hold me, comfort me, and care for me, as I want to hold, comfort, and care for you. I want to be with you forever, to hold you in my arms and feel you surround me completely, to be inside of you and push the boundaries of our very minds with my all-consuming need to make you happy.

But above all, I want you safe.

And I know I have to let go.

So I lean in quickly, before you can stop me, and give to you that small gift I've been holding inside for so damn long, knowing it's as far as I'll ever go with you, as much physical love as I'll ever be able to shower upon you.

Your lips are warm and soft and I kiss you hard even though you aren't kissing me back. You aren't pulling away, so I clutch you to me and move my mouth from your lower lip to your upper lip; I want you to know how much I love you, as if it could at all ease the pain of what I'm about to say to you, and it's arousing me so much but I have to let you go…

I hold you close. I show you I care. I ask you if you'll be all right without me, and, because I know of your stupid inappeasable need to self-sacrifice for me, I assure you I'll be all right alone, even though every minute without you, picturing you with that bastard, will suck greedily on my soul…

I do what it takes even though it makes a thousand rabid piranhas tear away at my core. I tell you to go be with him. I tell you he's the one with whom you should spend eternity.

_Not. Me._

And, holding back my pain so hard I shake, I tell you if I ever see you again, I will kill you.

And it's not a lie. I'm afraid if I ever see you again, I won't be able to stop myself, and you _will _die. Keep running from me, Yuuki. Don't come back because you're worried about me and don't care if I accidentally do you harm. Just stay away.

Good. You're telling me you'll keep running. You're saying you'll do it because having an enemy to go after will keep me alive. Good. You mistook my words just as I hoped you would. Do you really believe I'll kill you? I don't know. But if you run from me, you believe enough.

You turn away. I turn away.

I wipe a tear from my eye, glad you are unable to see it.

It's too late. It's over. You're gone. Dead to me.

Along with over half of myself.

But no matter what, I want you to know that, regardless of everything, I will always, always, _always _love you.

--

Hey, _Pureblood's Secret _fans, I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long. I have just lived through two hellish finals weeks in which I had no time to do anything but study. I am also having some trouble writing chapter fifteen, but I'll put it up within the next week, I promise. ;)


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